The Protocols of the Order of Argyle

Part I. The Artist is a God


1:1 The Artist is a God. The Artistgod channels and interprets the light and dark forces of the universe to enable society to see reality.

1:2 The Artistgod is answerable to no one, and thus, if society fails to see the realities that the Artistgod reveals, the Artistgod gets angry. The false gods of the Christians, the Muslims, the Jews, the Buddhists, etc distract society from the work of the Artistgod. The narratives of the false gods must be revealed for what they are, and their houses of worship turned into studios, galleries and brewpubs. Any artist labouring under the narratives of the false gods is not a god, nor even an artist, but a charlatan and an interloper, and shall be destroyed.

1:3 The Artistgod will produce both clarity and confusion. Neither one is to be given preference. If anyone attempts to make qualitative distinctions regarding the work of the Artistgod, the Artistgod gets angry.

1:4 The Artistgod has the right to, and shall, tax society through its government’s welfare system. This tax must be paid at minimum wage rate. If the Artistgod is not paid, underpaid, and/or forced to do menial work unrelated to His or Her real work, the Artistgod gets angry. If society puts conditions upon the ways in which this tax can be spent by the Artistgod, the Artistgod gets angry. In addition to the tax, society, as a whole or in groups or as individual members, may make donations to the Artistgod in exchange for examples of His or Her creations and revelations about reality.

1:5 The agents of the false gods, who seek to harm the Artistgod: the Turnbulls and Tudges and the Cashs and the Porters, and their cronies, shall be rounded up and violent, unspeakable acts of depraved ritual shall be performed on them and their families until they all be dead, and their souls shall be harvested and imprisoned for all eternity to be partially unshackled on occasion for the entertainment of the Artistgod.

1:6 The Artistgod requires no worship, but should be seen as a guide, as light in the dark sometimes, and as dark in the light at other times. The Artistgod is answerable to no one but Himself or Herself, excepting the God of all Artistgods: Daniel Argyle. For it is He and only He who shall be worshiped.


Part II